Daddy's Day...

When I was just a day old, my dad could look down at me in his arms, and make me smile wide enough to show the two front teeth I was born with.

I can remember thinking as a little girl that my dad was the most handsome man ever. I can remember playing games and going camping and fishing. I don't have any brothers, so my dad often enjoyed my tomboy inclinations. He'd take me fishing, toss my line into the water in just the right spot. And after telling me NOT to touch the pole a half billion times, I'm not known for my patience you know, he'd coach me on how to watch for a bite and then hook a fish and reel it in. Without fail, I'd catch something bigger than him.

We lived on the edge of a forest that was part of a state park when I was young. He would take me on walks and tell me all about the plants and animals we saw along the way. A native Tennessean, he was a true outdoorsman. On one of those walks, he taught me about acorns, and how when planted, they'd take root and grow into a tree. We planted one and sure enough, not long after, a small sapling broke ground. That was nearly 25 years ago.

Fourteen years later, I graduated from high school. Despite my parents divorcing when I was three, they'd maintained an amicable relationship so that I could have them both in my life. And they were both there in the audience to cheer me on as I walked across the stage. That evening we all went to dinner and my dad got his first crack at the new man in my life (who is now my hubby). I asked if he approved. He said that he always wanted me to remember how special I am and that as long as I'm being treated with the love and care I deserve, he would approve.

My dad was always a healthy guy. At just under six feet tall, he weighed an athletic 160 pounds. He played basketball and baseball with my sister and me and our little cousins. It was a shock to us when a month after I graduated from high school, he had a massive heart attack. Thankfully, he miraculously pulled through after spending months in the hospital.

He'd suffered some damage to his short term memory ability due to lack of oxygen. Thanks to some cruel and thoughtless kids, the street sign to my grandparents house (where he was at the time) was missing. As a result the ambulance got lost. He was "normal" when he came home. But sometimes, he would think it was six years prior and I was twelve. But he'd see me and the most wonderful smile would spread across his face and he'd say, "Wow, you've grown and you're beautiful..." He complained that sometimes he felt foggy, as though he had all the memories, but couldn't always put his mental fingers on them.

I'm so thankful for the two and a half years I was graced with him after his heart attack. It had served as a warning that loved ones wouldn't be here forever and I got to do and say all of those things many people don't get to do and say to and with a loved one before loosing them. I spent most weekends traveling fourteen hours back and forth between school here and his home in Tennessee. During the summers when I didn't have classes, I could stay for longer periods.

He passed away two years and five months to the day from the time he had his heart attack. He was suffering from rapidly developing pneumonia, which was in part related to the ARDS he'd developed while in the hospital two years prior. He was comfortable, cared for and surrounded by loved ones when it happened.

That was eight and a half years ago. In the years since, Father's Day has of course not been the same. My dad's words and memory are a constant companion to me. And it isn't something that I've set aside a special day to think about. Maybe in part because I wasn't sure I could handle putting that sort of focus on it.

This year I'll be celebrating Father's Day with my hubby's family. He had to remind me tonight that it is tomorrow. And I'll admit that celebrating Father's Day for the first time in eight or so years will be awkward and maybe even a bit painful. But his dad is a wonderful man. And I couldn't be happier to celebrate with him tomorrow.

I think after we leave there though, I might ask hubby if we can visit the state park and take a nature walk. I'm sure the little sapling we planted is no longer so little and probably mixed in with hundreds of others. But it would be a way of remembering a special time I spent with my dad and I think he'd like that...

For those of you who are still Blessed to have your father here, I hope your time with him is as special and magical as the time I spent with mine and for those whose father has passed on, I hope you also have special memories to cherish on Father's Day.

April